spilled wine on my sheets while the dog whined about things i don’t understand.
fed her before i fed myself.
walked her while my body ached.
told her i loved her before i was awake enough to remember
that i am a person capable of loving myself.
crumpets in the freezer brought over by a mouse on a plane. i will force
myself to forget these treasures exist
just to bring myself some joy when i rediscover
them. i am surrounded by things i love. i deny myself
these things just to make sure they’re appreciated,
really appreciated, when i finally allow
myself pleasure. that’s what grown-ups
do, don’t they? i am loving my future by denying
today the things that i want.
i must starve in order to fully enjoy my snack.
last time i froze
what i most wanted,
they were too frost-bitten to be saved
by a toaster when i finally
allowed myself the indulgence.
that feels like a metaphor for something i don’t understand.
Love. Eat the crumpets when they’re fresh. Dont save them or freeze them for later. Eat them now.