A love letter I didn't write to someone who isn't me
I take no credit for any of this, but boy do I wish I could
I collect love letters written by and for people I don’t know. I’m sure my therapist (hi, Naomi!) would have a lot of thoughts about that if I ever decided to share this habit of mine with her, but we’re a bit busy getting to the bottom of my issues with trust and intimacy (such fun), so maybe we’ll get to this relatively-harmless habit of mine in our next ten years of analysis.
Until then, though, I’ll keep collecting these letters, and, every once in a while when I have nothing too sad or too funny to say to you all, I’ll share them with you.
Here’s a letter that was written by the poet James Schuyler to John Button in the spring of 1956. I’ve bolded my favorite parts.
Dear John,
I don't know why I have to tell you this today (but I do) — perhaps it's because when I look out into the fog all I can see is the hairs of your adorable chest. I'm terribly in love with you, and have been for such a long time, ever since the first time Frank took me to your apartment. I looked around at your beautiful paintings and suddenly everything I'd ever felt about you turned into a diamond or a rose or something — anyway I went striding up and down while Frank played Poulenc and felt exactly like the Ugly Duckling the day he found he was a swan.
Then you came home and I didn't think I could ever look at you or to you again, all I could do was giggle and snort and twitch. But I've looked at you a lot since then, and there isn't anybody else in the world I want to look at; or want, for that matter.
It seems to me that I've been so GOOD that I couldn't hate myself more. I don't see why I couldn't have been born a robber baron type instead of a fool.
Now I'm going down and set 57th Street on fire to keep you warm.
This is all nonsense. I love being in love with you, it makes even unhappiness seem no bigger than a pin, even at the times when I wish so violently that I could give my heart to science and be rid of it.
with all my love,
Jimmy
this is wonderful!